dangerous.

We’re talking about miracles yesterday, Grant asking why there were so many in the Bible and so few now and I answer the only way I can think to.
We ask less
We believe less
He nods acceptance and we move on.  Until this morning while driving to school and taking turns praying for a young boy who is dying of an inoperable brain tumor.  Who is having an MRI today and whose family is standing on the bedrock of hope that he has been miraculously healed as they have prayed for.  As many many of us have prayed for.  And he asks again, smaller voice.  Why less miracles?  And again I answer the only truth I can think from the drivers seat.
We ask less
We believe less
And we chat about praying God’s will and how we only want Jacob to be healed if that’s the will of Father.  How heaven would be a much lovelier place to grow up than here and how we hang on to this crappy, broken world so tight our fingers ache and we lose sight of all else.  Because love forces us to horde who we’ve been given.  But love also made a better place for them to go.  Smalls all agreed heaven would be the better playground, Jesus the better companion.  But these are conversations I can have because none of my children have inoperable brain tumors and I wonder if I would sing a different tune if they did.  Certainly I would, arms shaking with the strain of holding them so tightly, trying to tether them to this place.  To me.
But it’s still got me thinking.  If we believe, really believe in the promise of heaven, then why do we hold on so tight to here?  Why obsess over their health and future and safety?  And how to teach Smalls not to do the same.  To give little glimpses of what I do not, cannot understand myself.  That there is a home so mind-blowing that when I get there the first thing I’ll do is laugh at how totally stupid I was to hold on to this place so tightly.  And to hold on to them so tightly too.  But I can describe it as articulately as I could the color blue.  And so I drive, promising to loosen gripped fingers and let go a little.  And to remember to thank Father for these divine appointments where I get to be heaven’t PR girl to the Smalls and listen as they challenge me.  To commit to asking more and believing more, and then pointing at it and jumping up and down and saying, see?  Right there.  Miracle.  Do you see it?
Let us be eyes for each other, spotting the God moments and shouting them out to a hungry world, shall we?
This is me being real.  Heart full with a car full.  And stockpiling some amazing recipes I promise to share with you, wether you’re gluten, dairy, corn, dye, sugar and white food free or not.

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