talk.

There are no words to discribe the horror of what happened yesterday in Connecticut.  Just no words.  Except “come Lord Jesus, come”.  And as I sat in horror, riveted to the screen last night after everyone else went to bed, watching images of parents being reunited with their babies, all except 20, I cried out to the Lord to deliver us from this evil.  I had to stifle the urge to run far away, with Dan and the Smalls.  Run to some remote, can never be found, place and grow our own food and shut our ears and hearts to the pure sin black evil that is.  And you’re invited, but don’t tell everyone because we don’t want the whole bad world knocking on our homestead door.  Until I think that the whole bad world knocking on our doors is the call of every Jesus follower, so instead of sticking our head in the sand, we have to keep it up and pointed heavenward.  And while sometimes heavenward looks like praise and hallelluias, yesterday and today and for months to come it’ll look like tear-stained faces crying out with open mouths and outdoor voices to try to understand and survive and not get wicked pissed that this is the crappy world we’ve got and we’re stuck here.
So, will you tell your children?  I think I’ve fallen in the not camp.  For this simple reason: there is nothing I can say to them to reassure them that this won’t happen at their own school.  We have security; so did they.  We have competent first responders and staff and a principal who would in a heartbeat throw themselves in front of a bullet to save a Small; so did they.  We have a God who is all over our public school, called there by parents who are trying to follow Jesus and have their kids in public school both; so did they.  There is nothing I can say to reassure any of us that we won’t someday face this same horrific thing in our school.  Chances are nearly nil, but kids don’t work in chance and probability; they work in this very small comfort zone of what is happening around them, so if I let them in on it, all they will know is that if some lunatic can shoot his way into an elementary school in Connecticut and murder 27 people, then it can happen here.
So I’m choosing to hold them tightly tonight, while I breathe in the smell of their sweet necks and to thank Father that he’s got them.  That worry is not part of my job because their future is not part of my job.  That when I feel anxiety about what can happen everyday when I send them off to school, I do that in my own strength.  And I’m so weak.  Because the God who welcomed into his arms those 20 Smalls the instant they gave up their grip on this world will do the same for me and mine.  So there is no need to start wearing denim jumpers and becoming a prepper because even though this world scares the socks off me, this is not where my citizenship is.  Not mine or my husbands or my children’s.  Where we are headed is the place where evil is under the foot of the God who spoke the oceans into calm and healed the lepers with a touch.  The God who is in the process of speaking calm and healing into all things, a work that will be completed on the day Jesus returns.  Come Lord Jesus.  Come.
This is me being real.  Wondering how you’re handling it with your children.

3 Replies to “talk.”

  1. I have been in tears all weekend over this horrific tragedy, it is just too sad. Jamie and I decided to tell Ella only, and mostly because we wanted her to hear it from us and not randomly at school which I think that would be much worse. She is very tender-hearted yet also very intuitive so did not want to give her all the details, but she does know what happened. We spent most of our talk praying and focusing on trusting in God knowing he is with us always. We also shared some of the brave stories of the teachers and other students who were true heroes that day. She didn't say much which is so not like Ella, but I know I still can not process it so truly how can an 8 year old? It was hard to send them off today, but we carried on with our normal routine and lots of extra hugs and kisses this am!! In the simple terms of kids, “FROG” Forever Rely on God!

    See you Thursday!
    Tracee

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  2. Ok, my whole life I've been in the church, have had little sayings like, “seven days without prayers makes one weak” written on notecards on my mirror, so how could I have lived 37 years without knowing about FROG? And how cool is it that today, just today, I've heard it for the first, second and third times? So thanks Trace for that and for some sound advice on how to navigate this with kids and for your transparency as you journey.
    See you soon.

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  3. One of my other favorite simple words is ASAP, and not in the terms of as soon as possible but Always Say a Prayer! In this face paced world we live in, we need to try and stop “running” all the time and make time for the most important things in life, and praying to me is one of those! Ella gets credit for teaching me this one:)

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