reality.

I’m wearing my camo shirt and counting down the hours until 10 because it’s Wednesday, people, and the Robertsons are on in T minus 6 and 1/2 hours.  If you haven’t heard of the Robertsons, well then you need to tune into A&E to see what the fuss is all about.  These rednecks sauntered into my life months ago, holding my sons and husband spellbound with their moronic woodsy activities while I stood in the kitchen making lunches and asking if they couldn’t please find something educational.  And then something shifted in me a bit ago and I sat and really watched and now I’m hooked like a catfish in Alabama.  Here’s the premise: the Robertsons are a backwoods family from Lousiana who started the famous duck call company Duck Commander.  The are the worst sort of redneck: the kind that has money.  They are the best kind of family: the kind that puts Jesus at the center and family a close second.  I know this because I gave Dan their new book last week for his birthday then spent the next two days devouring it.  They never cuss, never parade half naked women on their arms, don’t smoke, don’t drink.  They spend their days making money and killing stuff.  They are the real deal y’all.
They have infected us to the point of distraction.  I’ve started calling Dan and Lucy “Son”.  Happy happy happy is spoken several times a day around here.  My notes to Grant in his lunch box are written from Si to Willie.  They talk of cookin’ him up a mess a squirrels for dinner.  That’ll be some good.
I have passed on the reality tv gene to my kids, but have discovered that there are approximately nineteen thousand of them on tv and only two are worth my time: The Duggers and the Robertsons.  We watch them snorting and grinning stupidly at the box.  We’ve on demanded all the back episodes we can, have considered renaming Lucy Jace and quote Uncle Si at least four times before breakfast.
The TV powers that be have discovered a gold mine.  There are about four states worth of uneducated, desperate people down south willing to do a whole lot of stupid for $2500 an episode.  This is part of the moral decay of our country.  The only thing I can imagine worse than Honey Booboo’s family is Honey Booboo’s family with money.  This is scaring the pants off me.  Which is why we rarely watch tv.  Which is why TLC is on my hit list (except for you Jim Bob and Michelle-we’re big fans).  Which is why any show that features men in camouflage usually sets my teeth on edge.  But then the Robertson’s stroll into my family room and break all the rules.  TV I have no problem with.  TV I can let my boys watch with a clean conscience, knowing they will lap it up like a dog and it’s all just clean good fun.
So, if you want to spend a half hour laughing yourself silly, tune into Duck Dynasty tonight on A&E.  You’ll thank me.  If nothing else, you’ll have acquired some new lines…
First it’s pretty tires, then it’s pretty guns…next thing you know, you’re shavin’ your beard and wearin’ capri pants. – Si
“When you don’t know what you’re doing it’s best to do it quickly” – Jase #DuckDynasty
The more make up a woman wears the more she’s tryin to hide. Make up can hide a lot of evil. – Phil

This is me being real.  Thinking I might even be inspired to take up duck hunting.  Maybe not Jack.

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