limit.

This sign was necessary.
I wouldn’t have posted it if it weren’t.  Believe me.
Not my dream to have a sign like this on my back door.
But it is my dream to have children who can spend their free time running around the woods.
And not be frightened by dirt or wild animals.
It is my dream to have children who make forts and live in them on the weekends.
Who are self-sufficient in the backyard wild.
Those are my kind of kids.
Just didn’t know they would be armed.
But since they are (armed to the teeth and loaded for bear) it seemed prudent to have limits.
At first there weren’t any.
There are now (Ang, you can breathe deeply again).
At first there was this rule: you shoot it you eat it.
It took one afternoon spent breading and frying teeny woodpecker cutlets to toss that rule out.
(We know it’s illegal to shoot woodpeckers.  Now we know that.  It won’t happen again.)
It took another phone call from a dear friend (you know who you are) who had it on good authority that the boys had been shooting holes in her pool cover.
And at their own booted feet.
It took an afternoon shooting at frogs.
Dance!  Dance you lilly-livered son of a one eyed prairie dog!
I was horrified.
I am still horrified.
There is no parenting book that can prepare a city girl for having boys with bb guns running wild.
I’m thinking of writing one.
Until I do, there have been many talks.
Many reprimands.
And now, some limits.
Thanks to Peter and me (his spelling).
These are the animals you may shoot…snaks, moles, starlings, mice and cowbirdys.
Not frogs.
Not your boots.
Not our friend’s pool cover for the love of…
These animals only.
You still have to wear safety glasses.
You still have to have the safety on at all times.
You still have to kiss your momma.
Them’s the rules.  Obey or else…
This is me being real.  Ready for limits.  Striking words like ‘varmint’, ‘got ’em’, and ‘bullits’ from my vocabulary.  Sorry Ted Nugent.  There’s a new sheriff in town.

5 Replies to “limit.”

  1. Oh Meg, I had to laugh out loud with this one. It brought back two memories for me: The first was the Sunday we had squirrel for dinner due to my enforcing the “you shoot it you eat it” rule (that meal was quite low in protein for sure!) The second memory was from when I was growing up. I walked down the basement stairs in my parent's house only to find myself in the middle of a bb gun war. My brother and the neighbor boy were actually shooting bb's at each other in the basement (sans safely glasses). Apparently the only rule was that you could only pump the gun once. Boys haven't evolved much over the years I guess. 🙂

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  2. Love it. You brave, brave soul. That's it…from now on all game they shoot goes to your house so you can relive your children's glory days. Thanks for helping me out with that one:)

    Like

  3. oh. my.
    I don't think I'm cut out to mother a boy. Too late to send Asa off, right? Better ready myself now. And warn the families to NOT buy a bee bee gun until he's like 13. Cuz then he'll be “too old” (or “too cool”) for it, right?!
    The teacher in me loves the visual reminder poster 🙂

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  4. I just read this. I'm way behind . . . honored I finally made a mention, though. I will catch up, by blog or hopefully in person. Our joker misses Peter. Glad to read it is now safe to send him over to your house.

    Like

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