Just wanted to drop you a quick note to let you know how disappointed I was with your weather this weekend. Plans to take the kids on their first wilderness camping trip were derailed by cold, wind and rain, leaving me with enough brats and hotdogs to host a fraternity party. No matter. We put up a small tent in the family room, allowing the kids a chance to see what it might be like. It’s not the same. So often you do this, Michigan. Swoop in and ruin things with your cantankerous weather and force us to change our plans. Months I have spent convincing myself that it’ll be great to bring four children into the middle of the woods and set up housekeeping. That we won’t miss electricity or running water. That pooping in the forest is an adventure that should be had by everyone at some time or another. Months. We got the monster tent from Costco. A tent so big that when I went to set it up inside on Friday, I discovered it was too big for our house, even with the furniture moved away. Even though our architect calls this a “great room”. We have the fire grate and the sleeping bags and the lantern that requires twenty seven dollars worth of D cell batteries to operate. And I blushed in the checkout lane to see that my cart was almost entirely full of meat. We were so ready. But, you can’t spoil all our fun, Michigan. Not all of it. We laid in that tent in the family room, listening to you throw your best thunderstorm at us and snuggled cozily in our sleeping bags, reading Pippi Longstocking and eating cold s’mores. There were still cousin sleepovers and a movie and lots of time outside hunting. There was a dead cowbird that was found and needed to be buried, but only after marveling over every little part of it. There were outside showers, the first of the season, and a great time of worship and newly framed elementary school artwork that made me burst into tears. And today we are off for our first beach day of the season. I do so love your beaches.
So, keep it coming, Michigan. Give us your worst and we will show you the stuff we are made of. And while we’re on the subject, have you thought about getting new PR people? I mean, Yes! Michigan? The slogan equivalent of Dora the Explorer’s hit song: I’m The Map. Time to come up with something a little catchier. A little longer. Something like: Michigan…fewer lakes than Minnesota but more fun than Idaho. Or Michigan: committed to finding the cure for Seasonal Affective Disorder…committed to you. Just a thought. Until then, we’ll keep trying to support your schlumpy economy and lying when people from Arizona ask if seasons are worth all the rain and snow. We’ll do it because for better and for worse, we are Michiganders and we are staying put. You need not reply to this letter. Time will tell whether or not you’ve given consideration to our suggestions. Until then we remain,