We’re going to the dogs. I enter as evidence exhibits A, B and C:
Exhibit A: Last Friday on an excursion to the ice cream store, all three of the kids had to go to the bathroom. I sent them together then went in after them after they’d been missing for several minutes. Finding Peter sitting on the toilet rim I ask, “did anyone even think about putting the lid down so he’s not sitting on the rim?” Nope. Then, becoming impatient after the third kid decided he had to move his bowels right then, began muttering such things as, “Can’t we do this later?” and “What in the world did you have for lunch?” and my personal favorite, “Can’t you just pinch it off and finish when we get home?”
Exhibit B: Stepped out of the shower this morning to this lovely scene…
I swear they’re not mine even. The kids found them on the deck and decided to play with them. The best part was the Consumer’s Energy meter reader rounding the corner at just the opportune moment. I simply said, “We usually discourage them from drinking before eleven but, hey, it’s almost summer.” and went inside.
Exhibit C: My language. In my own defense, I have very clean language. I didn’t always, I know mom, but I do now. My pseudo swear is crap and I’m working on it. Really. We use to have a crap jar that I had to pay a dollar every time I slipped up. The threat was a crap-sponsored trip to Chuck E. when it was filled, but it soon held enough cash to fund a week at an all-inclusive resort in Aruba, so I did the Chuck E. thing with some, bought myself a great new dress with the rest and declared every other Friday and all even days mommy’s free crap days. Way cheaper. But tonight after three hours at the zoo with four kids and a keloid scar named Steve and no washy washy, I was done in and called the pizza stupid. It was. Stupid. Stuck to the oven racks and glopped cheese all over the darn place. So I called it stupid and in the absence of a crap jar, which now holds $231.00 and is the beginnings of a hot tub fund, I allowed Grant to spray vinegar in my mouth. It’s only fitting since it’s what I’d do to them were the tables turned, but it did make me realize that we are jonesing for summer, all of us. And while we’re waiting, we’re going to the dogs.